Beltane by Barbara Carvallo

The last snow glistens as tender Tulips and Lilies bend under its weight;
softer days are coming, warmer and kinder winds will low soon.
The world is new now and we the viola and daffodil are waiting
for the time when we will sing our fragrance on the gentle breeze.

May’s tender sun glistens on the pristine mantle of snow,warming and melting it deep into the ground to nurture little ones.The world is new now and we the viola and daffodil are waitingfor the time when we will sing our fragrance on the gentle breeze.

On the cusp of summer the sweetened air grows warmer by the hour;
Tulips and Lilies stretch their lovely arms and look to the sky.
The world is new now and we the viola and daffodil are waiting
for the time when we will sing our fragrance on the gentle breeze.

Beltane the holiday of union and harmony is upon us;
Sun marries Earth and new life springs forth in myriad shapes and hues.
The world is newly born now and we the viola and daffodil open in the light for the time is now and we will sing our fragrance on the gentle breeze

A TEAR OR TWO IN THE RABBIT HOLE AND THEN I LAUGHED by Peno Hardesty

my rock walked on---few years ago-----always there----always telling me to get over it we have work to do-----leader of the fla coalition to stop gun violence-----i still miss his nightly calls--
-did you feed the damn horse---
i did
-good it's late---i'm tired----good night----
-cared enough for all those years to make sure i was safely in the house

my friend is preparing to walk on----we share a love for pink princess phones and mill ponds----she never asked what i was just encouraged me to be who i was

my mentor walked on---few months ago----- always there----i was depressed and sick told her i thought it was time so i sang my song---she said yea i heard you it was the wrong damn song and you sang off key----just fuckin stop it----we have work to do-----she was the fla leader of the american indian movement----she taught me to dance when i couldn't hear the music

i was feeling lonely so i took the old blind pig for an evening walk---beautiful evening-----my mentor and i had talked about making a plant tower out of old plastic jugs---we never got around to it---but when she crossed i made the tower---such as it is----i put in the seeds and the tomato grew----never watered just gave them a cup of coffee every day---my mentor demanded it---we laughed ----the buds were bright yellow strong---beautiful----i only turned my back for a minute----the old blind pig was gone---there he is----eating the last of the beautiful coffee fed tomato plants-----i planted more seed today and sat back and laughed----i knew i was not laughing alone-----

circles mis amigos circles---we are never so far ahead nor so far behind that we do not cross paths and laugh

blessings

Curanderismo, the Healing Art of Mexico contributed by Jackie B. Steele

Grandmother Moon in her fullness is the special time for women who follow Native spirituality to gather and honor her gentle power. Known by many names including Coyolxauhqui, Metzli, Ix'Chel, Neesa, Hina, and Hallai (acknowledging that there other spiritual traditions that have their own ways of honoring this special connection that women have to the moon), hers is the power that moves the tides of the oceans and the sacred life-giving potential of the waters in our bodies. May Grandmother Moon's high spiritual light lead you safely through the darkness, remembering that without the darkness we cannot see the stars. May all obstacles, inner and outer, be transformed into blessings and clear paths for your gifts to shine. —Nana Grace

"I have been given the gift of lunar spirituality, in which the divine light available to me waxes and wanes with the season. When I go out on my porch at night, the moon never looks the same way twice. Some nights it is as round and bright as a headlight; other nights it is thinner than the sickle hanging in my garage. Some nights it is high in the sky, and other nights low over the mountains. Some nights it is altogether gone, leaving a vast web of stars that are brighter in its absence. All in all, the moon is a truer mirror for my soul than the sun that looks the same way every day."

—Barbara Brown Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark

Sharing one of my favorite lunar pieces by Lynda Hoffman Snodgrass.

Tulips In All Their Glory by Barbara Carvallo

Tulips are early, mid and late spring bloomers. Make sure you know what you are buying. Today my home and many early spring blooming tulips are covered with snow. Remember where tulips come from - Holland. They don't dislike snow; in fact, they require a certain amount of cold.

Looking out my window just now at my Fairy garden, I see them standing tall, blooms closed and waiting for the sun. Snow is melting quickly and turning to moisture. The mid and late spring bloomers will do just fine.

My Partner Says I’m Crazy… Am I?: Narcissistic Abuse: Cruel, Confusing and Corrosive by Janet Ferguson LMFT, LLC

It’s common for me to get a call from a potential new client that goes something like this:

Caller: “Can you help me? My relationship is on the rocks. My partner told me that I need to get help because I’m crazy and that I’m destroying the relationship.”

Me: “Is your partner going to join you in therapy?”

Caller: “My partner says they don’t need help. I’m the one who needs to learn how to communicate.”

This is when I usually chime in with a quote I’ve borrowed from that Geico commercial we all love: “That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.” I usually follow with, “Why don’t you go ahead and see if they will come along. If they are hesitant, please tell them I would really like to hear from them, in person, about what is wrong with YOU.” This usually works… once.

That first session with the two parties tells me a lot. Many times, the person who made the original call is reduced to tears, defeated, hugging a pillow, crouching on one end of the sofa while the complaining partner lists off their endless criticisms that cut deep, “Lazy… Stupid… No common sense… Crazy… Over-emotional… Out of control….Dishonest… Seems to be losing memory,” and more. They take no responsibility for their part in any relationship strife. None. Any attempts to point out flaws in their arguments are met with a change of subject or cunning redirection.

After that first session, they never return.

The partner who made the original call, however, does return. I ask them a series of questions. Are you:

·      Constantly second-guessing yourself?
·      Accused of not remembering things correctly?
·      Accused of not hearing what your partner said correctly?
·      Feeling like you need a reality check?
·      Finding yourself apologizing… a lot.
·      Thinking no one else would believe what’s going on at home because your partner is so charming to everyone else?
·      Feeling a loss of your self, a loss of joy, self-esteem?
·      Always apologizing… even for things that may not be your fault?
·      Finding it impossible to confront your partner with even the smallest complaint?
·      Being accused of making stuff up?
·      Hearing, “It’s all in your head,” or “I never said that,” a lot?
·      Feeling like you get so confused and angry that you become someone you don’t like or recognize… and wondering if you possibly ARE crazy?

If these red flags resonate with the client, they usually have tears of relief to have their experiences validated…finally!

These are all signs of NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. It is toxic and DESTRUCTIVE and dangerous to your health – mental and physical. This type of abuse can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD and many other odd or unexplained symptoms.

You’ve probably heard the word “narcissist” thrown around in the media, particularly in the realm of politics. Narcissism presents itself on a scale. And there IS such a thing as a “healthy level of narcissism.” But then there is full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder – NPD. The Mayo Clinic’s website says: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal and value yourself more than you value others.”

Not all people with NPD are abusive. But, many are… and they can pull out all of the stops: Lack of empathy, manipulation, deceitfulness, smear campaigns, and gaslighting. The National Domestic Violence Hotline website describes gaslighting as “…an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.”

YES! This sounds familiar! What should I do?

FIRST: Know you are not alone. This article itself should begin your process of realizing that it’s NOT YOU. And you’re NOT CRAZY.

NEXT: Learn more. I will list some great books at the end of this article. There are many out there.

THEN: Get support. Find a good therapist or support group. Sadly, your friends and family members may not understand. It’s so difficult to explain and leaves you so tongue-tied that many victims feel defeated when their typically supportive friends and family don’t “get it.” Find support people who list “narcissistic abuse” or “personality disorders” as a specialty. (www.psychologytoday.comlets you conduct a search using those criteria.)

DON’T: Show this article to your partner and expect them to have an “aha moment” and suddenly decide to get help or change their ways. Abusers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder rarely change because they rarely agree to get any type of real help. Basically, they don’t believe they need help.

They believe it’s you who needs help…

SUGGESTED READING:

BASSON, DR LINDA (2013-07-26). SURVIVING NARCISSISTIC ABUSE (e - Self help series) (Kindle Locations 3-6). LIANNE TULLOCH.

Bancroft, Lundy; Patrissi, JAC (2011-11-01). Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved (Kindle Locations 1270-1271). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Tudor, H G (2015-10-14). Escape: How to Beat the Narcissist (Kindle Locations 39-43). Insight Books. Kindle Edition.

Janet Ferguson, LMFT, LLC, is a therapist with private practice offices at People House in both Denver and Aurora, Colorado. Her specialties include couples and family counseling, as well as individual work with abuse and trauma survivors. For more information about Janet and how to contact her, please see http://www.jfergusoncounseling.com. 

NOTE: Author has purposely chosen to use the terms “they/them” throughout this article for gender neutrality purposes.

CHRISTMAS EVE CAME TO THE RABBIT HOLE by Peno Hardesty

it was almost dusk when she arrived----granddaughter ---my own child of child-----christmaas eve-----she brought me a gift she made-----a cup for my coffee painted with a beautiful african scene by her----we sat for a while and talked of how ancestors from tens of thousands of years ago named the constelations that we gaze at today----connection-----we marveled at the magic that was given the ancestor who invented the wheel----those who told the stories on the cave walls----connection-----we went out to the magic house where the faeries and magic people wait for santa near the garden-----she helped me light the candles that signify the giving of the magic---the light that grows----connection-----the old horse joined us under the stars for a while----connection--- just as last year---in the rain--when the old horse was ill--we sat---my child and my child of child---in the barn and all of us watched the polar express with our feet on the hay foor ----connection----as the full moon rose high in the sky the treetops knew that the magic has grown-----and the whisper of the night sang----connection-------magic-----connection----blessings

Have a Safe and Sacred Solstice by Verda Smedley

The Death Clans enter the spiral to celebrate the birth of the sun. Eagles, Badgers, Ravens, Owls, Lynx, Wolves, and Greihound dance the sacred for their people. The Mother moves their feet; they lift their arms awe-struck by Her power. Skins and feathers mix with guttural, rhythmic prayers. I drift into their dreamtime, Darkling Light prods me to stay alert, “Don’t watch the others, you stand for Moondog and Greihound.” I feel him stirring inside me like a wisp of smoke that rises from an extinguished candle. I watch it disappear. He comes again, growling, teeth bared. (I’m alert! I’m alert!). He licks my lips renewed to his sacrament. Grasping the need I stand for days, centuries, six thousand years, filling his tender belly with delicacies of my ether as he fills mine, dancing the rapture for all of us. Calvinist ancestors cover their eyes, others I catch peeking between their fingers, they realizing that savagery was never cruel.

Flesh Eaters nearly naked whirl in air so frigid the snow feels warm to their skin and melts into the Earth. Rhythmically they reach between their moving feet touching the soil, offering the traces on their fingertips to the sun, never missing a step, believing the magic will always work.

[Excerpt from Ancestral Airs].